Be kind to yourself

Sarah McGuinness is a wellbeing disruptor, burnout awareness advocate and Founder/CEO of Revolutionaries of Wellbeing. ROW helps wellbeing leaders to be change makers and to create better workplaces, together.

Sarah draws on her honours degree in psychology and degree in communication, training in health behaviour, coaching, fitness and facilitation, plus a 15+ year career in the corporate sector specialising in leadership and organisational development in Australia and New Zealand. She is a passionate mental health and wellbeing champion and is one of Nelson’s own, growing up here and attending Nayland College before embarking on her career. She kindly wrote this piece for Nelson Magazine about the importance of looking after yourself.

There’s no doubt that life has thrown us some curveballs recently. The pandemic continues to impact many aspects of our lives, from the cost of living to business impacts, to our health and wellbeing. It’s no wonder many of us feel tired.

It’s quite telling that more and more retail stores have a ‘please be kind to our staff’ notice on the door. This time of year is typically pressured, but the impact of Covid lingers and people are desperately trying to hold it together to get through.

Of course, many challenges to our wellbeing predate the pandemic. So why does looking after our wellbeing suddenly feel so hard and what can we do about it? And with the number of articles on the web and experts and influencers you could consult, surely wellbeing can’t be that hard…. right?!

Well, as you’ll know – it’s not quite that straight forward. We don’t exist in a vacuum. In our quest for wellbeing, it’s easy to think that we’re at fault for somehow not being able to keep up with what’s expected of us.

As a society, our values have shifted, and we have prioritised work as being essential to prosperity. We value constantly ‘being productive’ over being at leisure. Leisure time is often positioned (and marketed) as a luxury.

Work has become more accessible with technology; we have less boundaries between work and home life. In this Covid world, this has become even more blurred as more people work, live and manage life from home.

We also live in an almost infinite world. It will almost never be possible to stay on top of the emails, current events, and social media. The brain can only cope with so much information and it is easy to become overwhelmed.

We’re also balancing our commitments to generations older and younger than us, financial responsibilities, biological changes associated with ageing, social pressures, and more.

Of course, not all these things are negative. Many are positive experiences. The difference is the sheer amount that we’re juggling.

And I say this as someone who has been there, done that and got the scars to prove it. I burnt out spectacularly in 2020 and spent 2021 recovering. It was a long, slow journey to get well, and I learned the hard way why being proactive about your wellbeing is so important. It’s easy to fall into the busy trap, but much harder to climb out of if you leave it too late.

So what does good wellbeing look like? In our work, we like to ask, “What does a good day at work look like for you?” Or, if you’re not working, simply “what does a good day look like to you?” When we ask people these questions, they tell us things like “I have control over my day”, “I spend time with great people”, “I have purpose”, or “I feel calm and not stressed”.

These are the things that make people feel better. It’s what it means to be well. You can ask yourself that question: “what does a good day look like to me? What would I be doing, or what would I be thinking or feeling?” You can also try this exercise asking yourself: “how satisfied are you with life right now on a scale from 1 to 5?”.

This is a great question for thinking about the different parts of your life (work, social life, relationship with loved ones, opportunities for learning and growth, time to do what you love (e.g. hobbies) and so forth), and your life overall.

We can be doing well in one area of life, say relationship with loved ones, but be under financial strain at the same time and this can impact our overall wellbeing. These different areas are distinct, but inter-related. For example, your mental wellbeing can be affected by a physical illness or injury that is preventing you from living your life to the fullest.

The life satisfaction question exercise is beneficial for two reasons: firstly, it allows you to purposefully reflect on the different aspects of your life and how you’re travelling. Secondly, it’s great at keeping you accountable and honest. Self-knowledge is a great starting point to understanding what’s truly driving your positive or negative wellbeing. Life satisfaction is a key part of wellbeing. It’s a long-term evaluation of life and perhaps not surprisingly, there is a link between lower life satisfaction and wellbeing challenges like burnout.

Wellbeing is a continuum, one that we move up and down every day based on all that’s happening around us and our responses to those things. It’s also not just about the absence of a negative (i.e. stress, anxiety, etc); it’s about creating the conditions that allow you to flourish and be at your best. But to do that, we need to start from a place of self-knowledge and self-care.

Here are our broad self-care tips:

1. Proactively develop a sense of who you are – take some time over summer to reflect on the year that’s been, and where you’d like to be this time next year. You can use the questions about a great day or life satisfaction to give you a guide. Consider what’s important to you, and what you’d like to stop, start or continue doing.

2. Be deliberate about what you do next – just like we don’t expect an Olympic athlete to be race-ready every day, consider when you’ll need to be ‘raceready’ during the year (eg when there might be times of high pressure) and when you can schedule in times for recovery.

3. Much of wellbeing is mundane and boring, it’s the micro decisions we make every day. Consider the tiny decisions you could make each day that will make even the tiniest difference to tomorrow. It might be eating an extra vegetable, or calling a friend, or sitting outside for lunch.

4. Respond to setbacks as opportunities for growth. Make a date with yourself when something doesn’t go well. Consider, what happened? What influenced how I feel and what I’m thinking? How did I behave? Was it ok or could I have done something differently (with the benefit of hindsight)? What positive do I need right now to feel better? Who can help me? What do I need to do? When you’ve answered those questions, you’re ready to put your new mini-plan into action.

5. Acknowledge what you’re already doing. Often, we end up looking for the magic answer to our wellbeing challenges, but there will be many things you’re already doing that will be making a positive difference to how you feel. Keep doing them too. After all, you’re the expert in you.

And here are some tips for right now:

6. Be right here, right now. Practicing mindfulness is probably the last thing you’d think to add to your festive to-do list, but it can be a helpful calming tool if you feel overwhelmed at any point. Mindfulness is about living in the moment and taking note of what’s happening. Examples include using your five senses to enjoy the foods on offer, watching the sun on the water at the beach, and being present with loved ones. A great way to pause is to take a really deep breath, exhale and let your shoulders drop.

7. Know that good enough is great. There can be a lot of pressure at this time of year, especially when hosting or staying with family and/or friends. Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix when it comes to dealing with difficult people but what you can do, is focus on you. Be clear about what you can control and what you can’t, and what’s important and what’s not. By February, many things that are stressful now will be long forgotten so give yourself a break and know that good enough is great.

8. Be with people who love you in all your glory. There’s almost nothing better than spending time with people who love you for who you are and can make you laugh until your sides hurt. Find time to be with those people and find ways to help each other take care – be it a walk together, joining a festive activity or simply sitting down over a cup of tea to catch up on life. There are lots of other great people you can talk to in your community too.

9. Celebrate the goodness. When you get a chance, write down a list of all the good moments from recent years. It might be a list of big things, small things or both. The idea is to come up with 10 to 20 things that make you smile and feel buoyant. And those things can be personal and professional. My highlights include all the awesome people I’ve worked with around the country and of course, the time I’ve spent with my family and friends.

10. Support the community. There are many families that go without in some way. Donate your time or items to organisations that support families or individuals in need. Or if you know of someone, reach out to them in whatever way feels comfortable to you and to them. Check on neighbours and colleagues too. To quote the Mental Health Foundation, “Seeing yourself, and your happiness, linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connection with the people around you.”

Take care, stay safe and wishing you a happy summer ahead.