My foster family saved me

Kaycee Eastlake was born into a volatile environment. Her mother was a heroin addict and father a violent white supremacist. Subjected to shocking abuse at the hands of her caregivers, thankfully, her neglect ended when at nine-years-old she was adopted by a Māori family whom she credits with saving her life. Kaycee sits down with Jonty Dine to tell her story.

As a young child Kaycee had always kept her abuse under wraps but one particularly hot summer day at school, she was desperate for a swim.

Once in her togs, the scars were revealed, and she was immediately taken aside by a teacher.

Standing in the sick bay with the police on the way, all Kaycee could think about was the beating she was going to get for causing such a fuss.

Fortunately, this would be the last day she would spend at home.

Police escorted the young girl to her house where her mother threw a bag of Kaycee’s belongings at them while screaming “we don’t want her anyway”.

“I remember that very clearly and that night I was in foster care,” Kaycee, now 37 and living in Nelson, says.

She says she was heartbroken, as she was also forced to say goodbye to her older brother who opted to stay with their parents.

The ten-year-old was left to bear the brunt of the abuse.

“We were so badly beaten and neglected; her partner would come when we did something he didn’t like. It would be something minor like feeding the cat some of our dinner, and then she would come in after him and lay into us. It was pretty messed up.”

Kaycee’s life of pain was about to be put in the past as she was welcomed by her new family.

After being fearful at first, Kaycee says she wouldn’t be here today if she had not been fostered.

“They taught me how to love, how to communicate and how to be part of a family.”

Kaycee’s adopted parents already had four biological children, but were always prepared to take on a child in need.

“They have got the biggest hearts in the whole world.”

Her stepfather’s racist beliefs were forced on Kaycee who initially struggled to accept her place in a Māori family.

“He was very racist, especially when I got visitation, he was covered in swastikas. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I left. They tried to put it in my head that the family I was going to was unsafe.”

However, Kaycee quickly learnt this was a lie.

“They were so warm and loving, they were a proper family.”

She would embrace the Māori culture, leading kapa haka groups and even performing for the Māori queen.

Having often gone hungry at her previous home, Kaycee says many of her favourite memories with her new whānau involved food.

“My mum’s cooking kicks ass. As a child who was on rations, going to a home where I could eat whatever I wanted was heaven.”

She would also develop close relationships with her new siblings.

“My younger sister and I are thick as thieves; they treat me like I am part of their family.”

Tragedy would soon strike however as Kaycee’s foster father died just 18 months after she arrived.

Kaycee sums up her foster father with one word — mana.

“He was a traditional Māori man, very loving to take on foster kids. He had an amazing laugh; he reminds me of Billy T James. He was fantastic and so missed.”

Following his passing, social welfare offered to take Kaycee back and find her another home.

“My foster mum said, ‘no she is ours, you don’t get to take her.’ And nearly 30 years later here we are, she is still my mum. I am very blessed.”

Kaycee, who is studying to become a social worker, says she picked up all her best traits from her foster mum.

“I want to be like her, I admire her so much, she didn’t have to love me, but she did.”

Kaycee has not been free from trauma in adulthood either.

The father of her four children took his own life.

She says her mother was an incredible source of strength during that time.

“I wouldn’t have got through it without her.”

Kaycee says her foster family saved her life, and she hopes to one day return the favour to a child in need.

“I will be fostering myself, I have so much love to give and I know I can offer my home and make a difference in someone’s world."

Written for Nelson Magazine.